I Don't Care What You Think, As Long As It's About Me.

Sometimes I think of things that I want to write as I'm going to sleep. When you're two steps away from slumber, everything that you come up with sounds sort of brilliant. But when you wake up it just feels like gibberish. Like, how could I have thought anything to do with ladders was that monumental. I swear, that happened once. I had to help the girls I sometime babysit turn on the water at the stable where they keep their horse, and to do that you have to climb this stepladder and turn it on manually. I had to sleep at their house that night, I got paid for it for some reason even though both of their parents were there. I was confused too. When I got to sleep, I thought of a really ingenious way to turn on the water without climbing the ladder. When I woke up- the dog decided to sit on me and then lick the back of my head- I couldn't remember exactly how I decided to solve the remedy of the water but I knew whatever I'd decided was ridiculous. 

Mark Renton: What's on the menu this evening, Sir? 

Swanney: Your favorite dish. 

Mark: Excellent.

Swanney: Your usual table, Sir.

Mark: Oh, why thank you. 

Swanney: Would Sir care to pay for his bill in advance? 

Mark: No. Stick on my tab. 

Swanney: Ah, regret to inform, Sir, credit limit was reached and breached quite some time ago. 

Mark: Oh, well in that case. 

[Hands him some cash]

Swanney: Ah, hard currency. Thank you, Sir. Can't be too careful these days. Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps? 

Mark: No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please. 

--(Trainspotting, 1996, Directed by Danny Boyle)

I was going to write an 'About Me' for this thing but I really hate doing that. I hate having to explain myself. 'About Me's are hardly ever truthful anyway. They're over-edited and -embellished. But that's how life is nowadays. You have to edit yourself down to the bare minimum, to avoid overwhelming other people. Simplify yourself to be easily understood by the general masses. And to make sure that people don't see the cracks and blank spaces created by your editing, you just have add ribbons and bows to cover them up. If you don't like the right movies and music and TV shows then you haven't done a good-enough job. And you have to make all this believable enough. It's just too much trouble to make people that you may or may not have met think that you're a cool person. 

If it's really worth all the trouble, then they'll just check you out in person. Forget the fucking 'About Me.' Is it really about you anyway?  

Sing me something soft or delicate or loud and out of key, sing me anything.

I think I made it clear that I don't do things like this. I really don't believe that I have a particularly large amount to talk about, but then again, I think that's the point of things like this. It's the place where you can write whatever you want and not care whether people read it or not. It doesn't have to make sense to anybody but yourself; it just has to be there. 

 

"This is your life, and it's ending one day at a time." -- Fight Club

 

Most aspects in life can be broken into Fight Club, wedged comfortably within its familiar nuances. It's one thing that I think is completely amazing, and that's what I want from life. I want to go through life collecting anything that I wholeheartedly enjoy and cherish. And not just things- but people and experiences too. I don't want to hollowly love things, I want to adore them. That's what matters in this spiraling world. With everything as depressing as it is right now, I want only what really matters to me. My family and my friends and movies and music and books and the memories of all of the above, that's more important than the stock market and the housing crisis. I want life at its soul shattering best and I'm not just going to let just anybody dictate that to me.